Saturday, February 26, 2011

How to follow the last post...

Well, I don't really know how to follow up after the last post. Deep stuff right? I do appreciate the encouragement from friends :) So if you posted on here or facebook, I thank you deeply. I am quite passionate about wanting to be real. I want others to know that what you see is what you get with me and our family. We long to point others to Christ, in these broken, messed up ways we try. Who knows if I do it right. Most of the time I fail miserably. I can get on quite a soap box about American culture and how we are taught from our society what is acceptable to talk about and what is not. Michael and I have made a decision we don't have to follow those rules. The only rules we plan to follow are written out in something called the BIBLE. We strive to use that as our guide, not culture. So for many people who might not be believers or might be and just have bought into this whole "American dream" thing, they might look at us as crazy and dumb. Honestly, I like to make others think. Why not question these things? Now I don't believe that we are all supposed to do it the way our family has chosen, say for instance moving to a state where you know no one, quitting jobs, leaving family, and going to seminary. God calls us all to different things. Some of the things we are called to might go right along with American standards, but we shouldn't do it because of that. Just like the adoption thing. Not all of us are called to adopt, but we are all called to be a part of the caring for ophans and widows. That can look like many different things, whether it be financially helping someone, going to a nursing home spending time with widows, praying for, ect.
Okay, I must stop this soap box.
To go into the adoption thing a little farther. Our prayer right now is for the Lord to guide us in HIS timing. From what I have looked at thus far, this is not His timing. When will it be? You got me. If it was up to me, I would start the process today, or a month ago. But, it is not up to me. Remember what all I said yesterday concerning my control issues...
Are we absolutely crazy? I ask myself that a lot these days. It's not like we are settled and financially in a good place to begin thinking about forking out a good chunk of change and adding to our family right now. We are in seminary remember. I don't know why we are losing our minds, other than the Lord. He will provide if this is what He is calling us to, I know that. I have to remind myself of that even as we face the trials of these seminary years.
Going back to the whole infertility thing. You know what really bugs me. The questions. You know like:
So do yall want more children?
Isn't it about time to have some more?
When are yall gonna start having more?
How many children do yall want?
Now, I must admit, I have asked these questions myself many times. Not so much anymore though. Don't worry too, if you have asked me these questions. I don't hold it against you. I know they are innocent questions, not meaning to pain anyone. But I have learned, none of us hold the answer to any of those questions.
So I didn't start out this blog planning it to be another deep one. So much more on this topic, but I guess it is what is on my mind and heart these days. I must tell you though. After posting yesterdays blog, my spirits changed according to my husband. I was down that morning. I had talked with an adoption agency and feeling like we are being told that we will not be able to now. I needed to get this off of my chest. And I did change. It felt good to just let it out. So thanks for putting up with me and letting me get it out. That is for those that might actually read and make it through these long, crazy posts. If you have made it this far, thanks for reading and caring (you must care if you have taken the time to read about my crazy life). And if you pray for us, thanks. We need it. We are just some messed up sinners in need of a big Savior.

1 comment:

  1. Michelle, I think you know I am a close follower of your posts. Yes it is true that i care and care deeply and yeah that is one reason I follow them as well as keeping up with your life adventures. But the more I read and follow your journey with Christ the more I am learning also. Who said all the learning has to go from parent to child...not really sure how much you really ever learned from me anyway. I'm not the best teacher in the worl. I guess I would be safe to say I know a little bit about a little bit. But the mosy amazing part to me is how your "realness" is showing me just who my daughter is and I am growing to love you even more as your mom, but more imortant than that is the fact that i find myself desiring a deeper walk with God...and that I have been way too busy for for way too long.It's time for me to get serious. And the best thing i am learning is that i don't have to do it any one else's way which I have tried to do so many times in the past nd failed miserably. After all I guess it is really just about me with God and not anyone else. I think I may be not making good sense but I know what I am trying to say. Please keep being real and maybe I can start being more real also as I gain strength from your process. You and Michael's "cray move" to St. Louis was the best thing you could have done for me and probably others too!!
    Love you!! Mom