Thursday, May 8, 2014

5 years...

5 years ago (on Sat.) I started spotting.  A couple weeks prior, I had taken a pregnancy test and was elated to find out we were pregnant with #2.  We lost our baby in miscarriage the day before Mother's Day.  I honestly can't remember what the actual day (# wise) was, but it was the day before Mother's Day.  I remember being at the ballet recital (where I was teaching) and going to the bathroom.  Michael was in the audience and I called him and met him outside.  I told 1 of the other teachers I was spotting and needed to leave (I was a mess of tears).  I called the on call doctor and was told to just go home and lay down.  If I was miscarrying, there was nothing that could be done and I was to come in for an ultrasound on Monday.  I remember staying home from church that Sunday and sobbing off and on all day.  At one point during the day our neighbors came over (not knowing what was going on), and their daughter had just found out from her step-mom that I was pregnant and she told me congrats and she was excited that there was another baby in my tummy.  I closed the door and fell on the floor crying.  It was painful.  Miscarriage is painful.  It is now 5 years later and Mother's Day weekend is still hard for me.
To be honest (and I don't remember if I have blogged about this before or not...), I don't like Mother's Day.  It can be such a sad day for so many women.  Women who long to get pregnant and can't...women who have lost children...women who might not get to see their children on Mother's Day.  I just don't really like it.
But I will say, I choose to pray on this day.   Not just celebrate the mom's who have children and deserve celebrating for sure.  But pray for those who long to be mom's.  Pray for those who will be grieving this weekend.
It is hard to believe we would have a 4.5 year old had the Lord not called that baby to his (or her) eternal home.  I miss him (her).  I never got to hold that baby, but my arms still ache at times to.
So can I encourage you to pray for someone you know (cause I know we all know someone in this position) that might not be able to truly celebrate this weekend.  Pray for those who long to have children and can't.  Pray for those who have lost.  As the body of Christ, we are to encourage and love one another.
If you have lost a child, know I will be praying for you this weekend.  If you are struggling with infertility, I am praying for you.  If I know names, I will pray specifically by name for you.
Lord Jesus, come quickly.  This fallen, broken world is hard and painful.  But praise the Lord it is just for a short time.

Tuesday, May 6, 2014


Today, Michael went to his last class here at Covenant.  He has (I think...) 1 paper left to do and 1 final to take on Friday.  And assuming he passed everything (which I know he did ;)), he will walk across the stage next Friday night and get his diploma!  It is hard to believe that we are at the end of the chapter of this stage of the journey the Lord is sending us on.  There are so many emotions going on in our house it is insane.  Pictures have been taken off the walls....we have already sold a few pieces of furniture and hope to sell lots more on Sat. when we have our "sale".
I is exciting to be one step closer to getting to where the Lord has put on our hearts to be, but also hard to step out in faith.  We are selling so many of our things, moving overseas, and trusting the Lord to provide.  I know he will.  All I need to do is look back and remember how much he has provided for us and met our every need the last 3.5 years here.
It is hard as the woman of the household to have no nest.  I haven't bought pretty things for our home in years really.  I am ready to set up house in England and settle in to life there.  I am ready to make a new home for my family.  I am ready to meet neighbors....have people over for many things I have put on the back burner the last few years.
It is going to be hard to leave here.  SK has so many precious friends here that she literally plays with daily.  I have friends here that I can invite over or crash their house just to chat with another adult while our kids play.  If I need sugar, I just walk over to my neighbors to borrow some.  If I am having a hard day, I can find a friend pretty quick that can encourage me and/or pray for me on the spot.  What a sweet special time it has been.
SK can go in anyones home here and I know she is safe.  I know that she will be in a Christian home where I don't have to worry.
I am gonna miss it here.  Seminary has been some of the hardest testing times for me, but also some of the most precious times of my life.
I have been so crazy busy sorting our home into keep and sell piles that I haven't taken much time to process what is happening.  The other night, as I folded laundry, I bawled.  Cried like a baby.  Then I got ok.  It is hard to step out in faith, but wow...the Lord is using this process to grow my faith in such incredible ways and I pray he gives me the strength to have the faith needed to go through this journey to getting to England.
And I pray he uses our story and our faith to touch others and draw others to himself.  I pray the Lord will use me and my family mightily for his Kingdom. to sort something...Hey--and if you haven't heard, I am having a "sale" from 8-12 at my APT. on Sat., May 10th (THIS SAT!)  Come by if you want to help us clean out and get one step closer to getting to the field :)

And I will leave you of a pic I took as Michael came in from his last class bittersweet.  I am so so so proud of my husband.  What an amazing guy he is and I am pumped to do life with him and see how the Lord will use him as we get to England.