5 years...

5 years ago (on Sat.) I started spotting.  A couple weeks prior, I had taken a pregnancy test and was elated to find out we were pregnant with #2.  We lost our baby in miscarriage the day before Mother's Day.  I honestly can't remember what the actual day (# wise) was, but it was the day before Mother's Day.  I remember being at the ballet recital (where I was teaching) and going to the bathroom.  Michael was in the audience and I called him and met him outside.  I told 1 of the other teachers I was spotting and needed to leave (I was a mess of tears).  I called the on call doctor and was told to just go home and lay down.  If I was miscarrying, there was nothing that could be done and I was to come in for an ultrasound on Monday.  I remember staying home from church that Sunday and sobbing off and on all day.  At one point during the day our neighbors came over (not knowing what was going on), and their daughter had just found out from her step-mom that I was pregnant and she told me congrats and she was excited that there was another baby in my tummy.  I closed the door and fell on the floor crying.  It was painful.  Miscarriage is painful.  It is now 5 years later and Mother's Day weekend is still hard for me.
To be honest (and I don't remember if I have blogged about this before or not...), I don't like Mother's Day.  It can be such a sad day for so many women.  Women who long to get pregnant and can't...women who have lost children...women who might not get to see their children on Mother's Day.  I just don't really like it.
But I will say, I choose to pray on this day.   Not just celebrate the mom's who have children and deserve celebrating for sure.  But pray for those who long to be mom's.  Pray for those who will be grieving this weekend.
It is hard to believe we would have a 4.5 year old had the Lord not called that baby to his (or her) eternal home.  I miss him (her).  I never got to hold that baby, but my arms still ache at times to.
So can I encourage you to pray for someone you know (cause I know we all know someone in this position) that might not be able to truly celebrate this weekend.  Pray for those who long to have children and can't.  Pray for those who have lost.  As the body of Christ, we are to encourage and love one another.
If you have lost a child, know I will be praying for you this weekend.  If you are struggling with infertility, I am praying for you.  If I know names, I will pray specifically by name for you.
Lord Jesus, come quickly.  This fallen, broken world is hard and painful.  But praise the Lord it is just for a short time.