Thursday, December 29, 2011

Honestly Me again.  the unpregnant me.  You know what I am really tired of?  Let's make a list, shall we.

1.  You know when you call your obgyn to talk to the nurse (which I have had to do multiple times lately doing this whole clomid thing and having to go in for labs and such...).  They ALWAYS ask when you call, "Are you pregnant?"  You know how many times I have had to answer that dumb question in the last 3 years.  It really stinks. 

2.  When people ask, "Is she (refering to SK) your only one? "  Been asked that a few times lately.  Hate that question.

3.  Seeing facebook updates with people announcing their pregnancy.  And refering to being so "blessed" to be adding to their family. Now, if you are reading this and are one of those people, don't be mad at me.  It's just hard to see time after time people so giddy excited about being pregnant and talking all about it on facebook.  I should stop looking on there. 

I am pretty poopy about this whole infertility thing right now.  I don't really want to even think about it anymore.  I don't want to hear it will be alright....or just to keep trusting the Lord....or anything really encouraging right now.  I just want to sulk I guess.  I am kinda feeling hopeless about the whole thing.  Why am I even continuing with the whole clomid thing when I really am loosing hope of it working.  I have found myself pretty sarcastic feeling about the whole thing to be honest.  My attitude really stinks and I could use some prayers, not that I don't ask for them all the time anyways. 
I know the truth.  I know the Lord loves me and has a plan.  I know what the scriptures say.  I just don't get it.  I don't get why.  I don't get any of it.  I want to be the one that gets to finally FINALLY announce that we are pregnant.  But I can't.  Each month comes and goes and I get hopes up many of those months just to be crushed.

God is good.  ALL the time God is good.  I want to believe that.  I do.  Some days I really do, but today I am struggling to. 
I want SK to have siblings.  I want....ugh.  I don't even want to go down this road.  I am pretty done.  At what point do I or I guess it would be more accurate to say can I give it all to the Lord.  I try.  I want to. 

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

What does it mean to be a child of God?

Hey folks! Michael here...its been a while since I've been on here, but now that I am on break from the semester I thought I'd post a few blogs on my thoughts from the semester. For this post I will first recommend a great book that I read this semester called Children of the Living God by Sinclair Ferguson, and give some of my thoughts about a couple of themes from the book and tell you what I have learned from stick with me and hopefully I will do Ferguson's book justice and maybe you will find an interest in reading it for yourself.

Born Into a New Family
In chapter 2 Ferguson discusses the reality of man's need to be born again so that he can be become a child of God. He says that to be “born again” means to share in the resurrection life with Christ and to enter into fellowship with Him as family. Ferguson says that our tendency is to think of being born again as some “inexplicable, private, mystical experience while forgetting the magnitude of what it means to enter into “fellowship and brotherhood” with Christ. He goes on to say that when we grasp the weight of what it means to be born again (to enter into brotherhood with Christ) there will be no such thing as a boring conversion experience, but rather, we would have a deep gratitude for what God has done for us.

I think that Ferguson has accurately depicted the way many Christians view being “born again.” As he stated, we often focus more on having the experience than we do on what it meant for God to give us a new birth. We tend to think of our new birth as a “get out of jail free” card while forgetting that our “getting out of jail” was far from free. It cost Christ giving up his own rights as the true Son of God so that we might become sons and daughters of God. Christ Himself said, “the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many" (Mark 10:45).

I am so moved by Ferguson's thoughts in this chapter. It is a wonderful reminder to us to think of what it really means to be born again, and what it cost for us to be given this new birth. Being born again is not just a check on a list of experiences for the Christian. It is entrance into a new life and membership into a family. It is incredible to think that we were once enemies, rebelling against God, but now as a believer we are brothers and sisters with Jesus Christ, and therefore also co-heirs with Christ as well! When I am reminded of this reality, I am overcome by the power of my new identity in Christ.

Our Freedom as a Family Member
In chapter 7 Ferguson expounds on the freedom that the believer has as a child of God as well as how that freedom is to be exercised in the context of community. He begins by saying that we are freed from the traditions of men and bound only to the Word of God. He says that we “must permit that liberty to be enjoyed by other members of the family.” In the following section, he reminds us of the proper use of this freedom. We are not to use the freedom as a license, nor are we to exercise it in a spirit of indifference toward brothers and sisters in Christ.

This is an excellent reminder to us for the two reasons I mentioned above. One is that we are bound only by the Word of God, and two, that we should always we mindful of others as we exercise this freedom. “True Christian freedom does not consist of the increase of 'my rights.' It consists of service!” (p. 98) I think a great example of this is when Paul discusses eating meat which as been sacrificed to idols. He says we have the freedom to eat it, however, we should never cause another brother or sister to stumble in doing so.

I think this applies to our lives in how we view the purpose of our freedom as a child of God. God has freed us because he loves us, but our freedom is not primarily about us. We are freed by God from the things that kept us from loving God and loving others. From the things that kept us from glorifying God out of a response to his love for us. We are freed from the bondage of the law in order that we might respond in love and obedience to God. When I exercise my freedom as a child of God, I must always ask the question, “Am I loving my heavenly Father who freed me, or am I only loving the freedom?”

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Happy Birthday, Mimi!!

So 1 more blog, then I have to take a break :)
I wanted to take a sec to wish this very pretty lady a Happy, Happy Birthday!!
Love you Mimi!!

Christmas in Alabama continued...

The second part of our trip we spent at Mimi's house.  We started off our time there having "Chrismas dinner" with the whole family.  SK was so super excited to see everyone, esp. her "best friend" Haven and her other little cousin MacKenzie.  They had a blast playing together.  SK and Haven had a sleepover and were so cute snuggling up in their bed together.  We had fun baking and making a gingerbread house with the girls.  The cookies were a bit of a fail though.  We changed a couple of the ingredients, since we were lacking what was called for in the recipe, and it didn't work at all.  SO, instead we went to the cookie store after dinner and got some yummy cookies there :)  The gingerbread house turned out super cute though!

We also surprised my mom with a gift from all of her kids and granddaughters with a photo sessions scheduled the next morning.  Virginia once again did an awesome job getting some really good pictures of such crazy little girls. 


Our time in Alabama was way too short. We wished we could have taken more time, but we are thankful for what we got :)

Next I need to blog about our actual Christmas day and eve here. Oh and, I need to blog about SK's little ballet dance that she did the last week of the semester for her ballet class. Lots to catch everyone up on!

Christmas in Alabama

As soon as Michael finished up his exams, we jumped on a  plane and headed south :)  We were so thankful to be able to fly and spend some time with our family and friends in Alabama.  We spent the first part of our trip with Nana and Papa.  It was quite fun to get off the plane and have them waiting on us at the airport.  SK went running to them as soon as she saw them.  It was too cute.  Back to the plane ride...SK loved riding the plane (this was her first time to fly).  She wanted the window seat and her face was glued to the window almost the whole time. 

She asked before taking off, "Do the wings flap?"  hehe.  Then when we were getting ready to descend, she asked, "But, how do we get down?"  It was pretty cute.  We started our time in Alabama off right with a meal at Nikki's West downtown getting some yummy southern veggies and fried chicken.   The next day we spent lots of time baking yummy goodies :)

We had a special surprise for Nana and Papa, that we gave them on Friday night over at Lauren and Jeremiah's house.  We all (Michael, me, and SK, and Lauren and Jeremiah) went in together and gave them a photo shoot scheduled for the next morning.  Our dear friend, Virginia took the pictures.  It was so fun to get to take pictures together.  There are some really cute ones too.   I need to get to printing some to frame around here :)

More blogs to come...Mimi's house is up next :)

December fun!

Well, it's time to play catch up on the blog.  We have been too busy having fun to take time to blog, so now I must play catch up.  So let's rewind back to a couple weeks ago.  SK was in our church's Christmas play put on by all of the kids.  We have been listening to the song that her group sang for many weeks in our car and she loved it.  We got a video of her, but I am not sure how to do videos on here, so you will have to settle for pictures. 

She had fun and did a great job (esp. considering her age :))!

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Ice Skating Date

So Friday afternoon, Michael took some time out from his studies and school stuff and we went on a date.  It was kinda a class assignment too :)  We took a weekend class a few weeks back and part of the class assignment is to go on a date with your significant other.  Yep, fun class.  There are other things he has to do too for the class, but part of it was to go on a date.  I likey. 
Ok.  SO Friday afternoon after I got done nannying, we left Sk with some friends here on campus and headed to go iceskating.  Outdoors.  I think it was the first time for both of us to go skating outside ever.  In Forest park, there is a place called Steinberg Skaing Rink, which is open during the winter time for iceskating.  So fun.  We headed there and got our skates and went out on the ice.  I went slowly.  It has been about 9 years since our last time to skate, so we (esp. me...) were a bit rusty.  It was so much fun to skate with each other and chat as we skated around.  There were a couple people out that could really skate, so they were fun to watch too. 
After skating, we headed to get some coffee and chat for a bit.  I like going on dates.  I love my husband and getting to spend time with him.  It was nice to take a couple hours time out from our crazy busy life right now and just hang out. 
Alright...enough of that.  Love you babe :)

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Let the snowing commense...

We are officially in winter here.  It's cold.  Very cold.  To me at least ;)  Yesterday we had our first sighting of snowflakes falling and today there has been more.  Not enough to collect on the ground, but today was colecting on our outdoor chairs and car.  SK was so excited.  She gets this whole "yeah! It's snowing" thing from her daddy, not me.  I told her it was snowing during lunch (maybe should have waiting till after lunch...) and she ran for her coat and gloves and begged to go outside.  I let her play outside of our door while I stayed (with some friends that had come over for lunch :)) indoors.  She got out there and just stared up at the snowflakes falling.  Then she tried to collect the little bit of snow that had collected on the chair to make a snowball.  All of this while mommy enjoyed her warm soup and being indoors.  She was fun to watch though.  Then...she gets truly upset when it stops snowing.  She almost cried I think.  Poor thing.  If only she truly understood that we are just getting geared up for winter and there will more than likely be plenty more of that snow in the coming weeks.
We are enjoying the Christmas season too.  We went last week to see a great park that does lots of Christmas lights.  We piled in our van (oh, the perks of being a minivan family now...) with some friends and their little girl and drove through the park.  It was fun and SK loved it.

Mommy and Sk!

Fun tunnel we drove through!

Blurry pic of the I got :)

Then this last weekend, Michael and I got to have ourselves a little night out for Covenant's Christmas banquet.  It was really fun.  We had a yummy dinner then got to listen to a great band and enjoy hanging out with other Covenant folks.  It was quite the night, esp. seeing the professors enjoying themselves on the dancefloor.  If you look on youtube--search Jimmy Agan dancing, and you can see for yourself.  It's pretty funny :)    He along with many other's had a blast dancing.

Other than that we just find ways to entertain ourselves indoors these days :)

Thursday, December 1, 2011


I have lots on my mind, but not sure what to blog about.  So I will give you a random list...

1. Michael laughed about the last post :)  I told him it was good to blog about it so that when we are old we can look back at that post and it will give us a good laugh.

2. We leave for Alabama in exactly 2 weeks.  Woohoo.  I told Michael I need to start packing and he laughed at me...

3.  I read 2 papers of Michael's yesterday to check them for him before he turned them in today.  I am so proud of him.  Am I allowed to say that?  Yeah, I am.  He is pretty awesome and I get to call him my husband.  Now he has studying to do for a final tomorrow then on to the next paper due next week, then more finals after that.

4. There are so many things up in the air for our future right now.  We were talking last night about it and it is really crazy.  So many things.  There's the fact that we don't know if/when we will be blessed with any more children.  Whether those children will be of my womb or adopted.  When that will happen or if it will happen.  I am daily preaching to myself that I have to lay it at the cross and give it to Him.  I have been confused for the last couple weeks to be honest.  After getting my hopes up about the possiblity of the Lord opening the door for adoption through the other job for me then closing it, I was totally confused.  Upset and confused if I am being completely honest.  I want to be the Lord's servant however that may look, but a glimpse into how the Lord is working through all of this would be good.  Then there is the whole clomid thing.  Do I get my hopes up?  It didn't work last month...will it work at all?  That's up to the Lord.  We are in his hands, I know that.

5. Then we are also up in the air about what will happen after seminary.  It is a crazy place to be in where we are just completely trusting the Lord to pave the way for where he will have us serve.  I am not sure if I have ever completely explained on this blog what we are doing really and why we up and quit our jobs, moved to the COLD midwest for seminary and what we desire to do when we are done here.  That might should be another blog post, but we are willling to go wherever the Lord leads.  We have a desire for Campus ministry (college) either here in the states or overseas.  Pretty crazy to think we could be in Alabama, New York, California, or Africa, or Europe, or who knows where in the future.  We are crazy.  I know. 

6. Back to the last blog.  Michael did laugh, but did inform me that Sk has picked up a habbit in her sleep that is like her mommy.  She and I smack in our sleep.  I guess we like food and dream about eating a lot in our sleep.  Daddy gets woken up by me sometimes when I get to smacking and has to hold my mouth shut to get me to stop.  SO there's my secret :)  I guess we are just a funny family in our sleep.

Alright.  Off to get busy getting my list of things for the day checked off.  Happy Thursday everyone!  (And if I don't get back here before the weekend, have a good weekend :)  I know I will--we have a date tomorrow night! woohoo!)