I feel as though I am getting in a rut with this blog. Don't worry, I don't plan to quit doing it (at least I think I won't...). I want to blog about my kids and fun times we have for memories sake, but I want my blog to be more than that. I love to share my heart on here. Share what the Lord is teaching me or how he is molding me in the good and hard times. I want this to be a ministry. I know it ministers to me to be able to write down my thoughts and put into words what is on my heart. Really, that is more important to me than to keep up with every fun day with the kids we have. I want them to be able to look back on here and see the gospel spilling through it.
So where is my heart at? Right now, it is in a funk I guess. That is the only way I can think to describe it. This semester has been hard, but good in so many ways. It is encouraging to see the Lord use the hard times to grow me. I am tired and I want to whine and fuss almost daily. I haven't slept through the night in what seems like ages. I am so ready for sweet Evie to start sleeping through the night. I think we are getting closer. The last few nights she went to be somewhere close to 7:30 then didn't wake till 3:30ish, then slept till 7 or so. We are close, just not there yet. I think with my lack of rest, on top of a busy semester for Michael is challenging me to rely on God for strength and patience and grace for each moment throughout my day. And I can tell the days that I don't rely on him.
I have been reading One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. I have had the book for a while and even started it back before Evie was born, but never got far into it before being completely distracted by the newborn/baby phase. Now I am further along and actually thinking I will make it through it the whole way :) So far, it is really making me think about taking everyday moments and seeing the blessing through them. Seeing the gifts of God in so many things around me. And being Thankful for them. I want to have a heart of gratitude. How amazing is our Lord that he would give us so many gifts. He would think of me as I sit here and see the wet dew on the grass outside. That I would see the beauty in comfy warm sweaters that make me want to curl up on the couch with a cup of coffee and watch my daughter put on a "dance show" for me. How my heart changes when I look for things to be thankful for in the midst of even crazy tiring times. And the days that I am living in a state of thankfulness...how that affects how SK responds to me and her attitude for the day as well.
So I will start today thanking the Lord for a peaceful morning. A morning of sitting at the table in quiet listening to the birds sing their morning song outside. I can start like that and know that while I won't do it perfectly, I will strive to be thankful today. To see God even in the mundane task of washing dishes and folding laundry. To look for God in that instead of saying that I never have to just spend with the Lord without so many distractions. God has put me in this place and he will meet me where I am if I just look for him. "Seek me and you shall find" right?