Monday, May 13, 2013

Mother's Day thoughts...

I know, I am a day late.  I had a lot of emotions this weekend to say the least.  Mother's Day weekend is hard for me.  First, I will say that I am blessed with a great mom and so thankful for that.  I am also blessed with a mother-in-law that I love as well.  SO thank you Mimi and Nana for being such incredible women that love us well and helped me in so many ways become the woman I am today.
Now...on to other thoughts in my head.  I really don't like Mother's Day to be blunt.  I guess I could sum it up that I don't really buy into these Hallmark Holidays in general, but esp. Mother's Day.
My feelings turned this way 4 years ago.  Before 4 years ago, I loved it.  It was a special day to celebrate God blessing me with SK and getting to be a mom myself and celebrating my and Michael's mom.  It all changed 4 years ago.
It was a 2 or 3 weeks before Mother's Day 2009 that I found out that I was pregnant with our second baby.  I was so thrilled.  SK was going to be 19 months older than her baby brother or sister.  She had a big sister shirt and we had announced to everyone.  Then the day before Mother's Day, Jesus called our baby to Heaven.  It was His perfect plan for that child.  Whether I agree with that plan or not or understand, I know it was what he had in mind with that baby boy or girl.  I was at the ballet recital (where I taught) and went straight home with MIchael.  I went straight to bed and didn't really get out of the bed for 2 days.  I remember that night as Michael and I laid in the bed, sobbing.  Gut wrenching sobbing.  Like I have never hurt so bad in my life.  I remember pounding my husband on his chest wanting to scream "NO!"
Mother's Day 2009 was spent in the bed facing the loss of our baby.  We went the next day to my doctor, which confirmed with an ultrasound that we had lost the baby.
After that loss, it took us over 3 years to be blessed to find out we were pregnant once again.  That means I spent the next 3 Mother's Days celebrating that we had SK, but longing to add to our family.
Mother's Day is hard for many women.  I have friends I know that long for children.  Either adding more children or have yet to be able to get pregnant.  My heart aches for them.  I know it is hard to hear all around them "Happy Mother's Day!" to everyone else except for them.  It is hard to trust the Lord through these times...I know.  I have been there.  I had to remind myself all the time that God IS GOOD and loves His children.
I am very thankful that the Lord chose to bless us with 2 precious little girls and another baby girl or boy that we WILL meet one day in heaven.  My heart longs for Heaven.  I long for the day that there is no longing or pain or heartaches.  Come, Lord Jesus quickly.

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