I have thought about this blog for a little while now. I really thought it would turn out different and more exciting, but it isn't.
For 26 months I have dreamed of being pregnant.
I have thought..."if we get pregnant this month, SK will be this old when the baby comes and this is the month the baby will be due...
I have thought of multiple ways each month that would be fun to tell family and friends that we are expecting.
I have hoped and prayed.
This month was hard for me. I really hoped and thought this would be the month it would finally happen.
It didn't.
I hate finding myself in this dumpy place and don't like to be in it. I want to be content with all that we are blessed with. I want to be at peace with where the Lord has us. My desire is to be able to "Make a joyful noise" and to be able to "consider it pure joy" to face these trials. I would be lying it I said I was right now. I just really am struggling to rest in Christ and trust only in Him. I am so sinful it is ugly. Really ugly. Instead of clinging to the cross right now through this and clinging to scripture, I want to hide under the pillow and give up. Don't worry, I know I won't stay in this place. I know the Lord is redeeming me and sanctifying me through this, but that doesn't mean I have to enjoy it does it? I wish I could understand. I don't. Maybe one day I will.
Ugh.
Ok, I promise not to stay dumpy. We have been doing some fun things around here getting our new place feeling like home. I will post soon on all of the projects we have been up to, but here is a quick rundown of them:
*Making THESE ledges for our dining room
*Making a cute chalkboard to go on said ledges
*SK's new artwork to also go on the ledges
*Sewing a shower curtain for SK's bathroom (yep, we are back to having 2 bathrooms)
Maybe tomorrow I will find some time to post on some of these projects. I really just needed be honest with where I am today emotionally. Call me crazy. I know I feel like I am today. I don't like it, but have a hard time getting myself out of it when I get here. My dear husband did a good job today though of turning today into a fun family day at the Magic House and Chick-fil-A (free food for dressing up as cows!!--maybe I will be able to post some pictures from that too soon!)
For 26 months I have dreamed of being pregnant.
I have thought..."if we get pregnant this month, SK will be this old when the baby comes and this is the month the baby will be due...
I have thought of multiple ways each month that would be fun to tell family and friends that we are expecting.
I have hoped and prayed.
This month was hard for me. I really hoped and thought this would be the month it would finally happen.
It didn't.
I hate finding myself in this dumpy place and don't like to be in it. I want to be content with all that we are blessed with. I want to be at peace with where the Lord has us. My desire is to be able to "Make a joyful noise" and to be able to "consider it pure joy" to face these trials. I would be lying it I said I was right now. I just really am struggling to rest in Christ and trust only in Him. I am so sinful it is ugly. Really ugly. Instead of clinging to the cross right now through this and clinging to scripture, I want to hide under the pillow and give up. Don't worry, I know I won't stay in this place. I know the Lord is redeeming me and sanctifying me through this, but that doesn't mean I have to enjoy it does it? I wish I could understand. I don't. Maybe one day I will.
Ugh.
Ok, I promise not to stay dumpy. We have been doing some fun things around here getting our new place feeling like home. I will post soon on all of the projects we have been up to, but here is a quick rundown of them:
*Making THESE ledges for our dining room
*Making a cute chalkboard to go on said ledges
*SK's new artwork to also go on the ledges
*Sewing a shower curtain for SK's bathroom (yep, we are back to having 2 bathrooms)
Maybe tomorrow I will find some time to post on some of these projects. I really just needed be honest with where I am today emotionally. Call me crazy. I know I feel like I am today. I don't like it, but have a hard time getting myself out of it when I get here. My dear husband did a good job today though of turning today into a fun family day at the Magic House and Chick-fil-A (free food for dressing up as cows!!--maybe I will be able to post some pictures from that too soon!)
I love you sweetheart! And I never cease praying for you...
ReplyDeleteLooking forward to August 6th so that I can give you a very LARGE HUG!
"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in Spirit"
You are greatly LOVED,
Theresa
Sweet Michelle...I'm so sorry. Let's talk. :)
ReplyDelete