Thursday, November 10, 2011

Oh my.

I don't really know where to start.  Life has been crazy for me this week.  I feel like I can't even process everything well.  I feel like the rollercoaster I am on just got added on to with all new twists and flips.  I am confused.  I am bummed.  I am hopeful.  I struggle with unbelief.  I am angry.  I am excited.
Yep.  Welcome to my last few days.
Not sure how much to share now. 
Just a glimpse for yall.  We decided last month after talking with our doctor (remember that posts?)  to go forward with clomid.  I was not ovulating and this seemed like a road that the Lord was opening up for us.  I am not very hopeful at this point that it worked or will work this month. 
Add on to that that I have decided to take another job, on top of my full time nannying and caring for SK.  Just part time.  I am excited about it, but it is crazy.  Really crazy.
I am seeing the Lord work through this, but I struggle with my unbelief.
Could this be that the Lord is openning doors for us to be able to begin looking towards adoption while here in seminary?  Can we handle this?  Where on earth will the funds come from?  I wish money wasn't an issue.  I really just don't like money.  I know if the Lord is calling us to this, He will give us everything we need including the finances, the time, the sanity...
Today.  I feel like crying.  I want to trust the Lord, but I don't know if I even know how to in the midst of this craziness.


  1. I attended this amazing preconference session at the PCA Women's Conference on this pastor's / pastor's wife's journey of International Adoption. They had the funds granted to them because of the special needs the children had. They went through Bethany. Maybe you might contact them. I know they are very willing to share and answer questions regarding international adoption.

    Praying for you!

  2. I am praying for you today. I know that God has good things for you, even if though we don't know His plans exactly.

  3. Oh my precious daughter. My heart cries out to God for answefs, for peace, for a clear awareness of Him and His plan for you and Michael. And of course I want it now.......but I know that no matter how badly I want all your hearts desires to be fulfilled I also want His perfect timing. And thats the hard part to swallow. I love you guys so much and I hurt deeply seeing you struggle. But all I am called to do is, pray and pray some more. That you have.
    Loving you both, Mom

  4. Hey Michelle--As a mom, among many other roles, I can relate to the overwhelming feeling of making decisions and dealing with the emotions that we face on a day by day, or minute to minute basis and trying to keep a smile on your face while do so! It's always comforting to me to know there are others that share the same brain sometimes (LOL).
    In reading your blog I really felt like you are going to look back on it someday and say "WOW, look what God has done!" I understand what you are facing right now is not easy but you know as well as I do that you can't have a testimony without a test! You have already touched me just by sharing your NORMAL feelings as a growing christian, wife, mother, etc. Don't be hard on yourself, give yourself a break, you deserve it! Love you girl----Laura Davis......BTW, SK is absolutely stunning!!!!