Pitching Fits kindof day...

Go figure. I was just bragging about SK not pitching so many fits lately (which was a different story last month), and guess what happens today...
yep.
2 fits.
First goes like this: SK gets to Molly's house (Michael brings her to me in the morning on the way to his class--on a side note, inst he a pretty awesome husband to get her ready every morning and to me while he has so much on his plate :)). She runs to the tv and wants to watch the "dinasour movie" also known as the "Dinasour Train" show that comes on PBS. I tell her that we will watch just a few minutes since I had planned a fun morning of heading over to Chick-fil-A for some play time and breakfast. After said amount of time, I go tell SK it is time to go and turn the tv off. Not what SK wanted at all. You would think enticing her with somewhere fun to go would make it ok that I am turning the tv off. Not so much. A 30 minute fit followed. She was placed in another bedroom to have her fit. Finally, deciding she was done and ready to tell me she was sorry.
Fit 2: We get all packed up after the fit then head to Chick-fil-A. She had a blast playing with some other girls there and we shared a biscuit and hashbrowns. She was really sweet, for that moment at least. Then, she said she was ready to go. So we packed up and got ready to head out. Then...she said she wanted icecream. I told her we weren't getting icecream this time (for one it was still 10:00 in the morning, a little early to feed icecream to a 2 year old right? and we don't get icecream everytime we go...that is the rule). She wasn't happy. So, I then have to drag this screaming 2 year old out of Chick-fil-A while carrying a diaper bag and baby in her carseat. We were quite the scene I am sure.
Oh my. Parenting is hard. On so many levels. It is hard at this age to really tell how much she understands when I have to talk to her about how she is acting. I know she probably understands more than she acts like she does. Sometimes she just looks at me like she doesn't get it. Then there is the times that she pitches a fit and screams then settles down and thinks that since she decided to stop screaming that she can then get what she wants. For instance, she wants gummies yesterday and I tell her not before dinner. She goes into her room pitches her fit for a good 5 minutes then comes out and says "Can my have my gummies now, mama?" Then is shocked when I say no again. We go through this cycle a good 5 times before she finally gives up and moves on.
I want her to know that I love her and am trying to do what is best for her. I am not just a bad guy. But, so many days I feel like I am just the bad guy in her eyes.
Now don't get me wrong, she isn't constantly testing me (some days are more than others like today). She can be so sweet many days and obedient. Today just wasn't one of those days.
On top of that, I was a bit down anyways, so that didn't help. I missed being able to call my girlfriends up and see if they wanted to meet us to play at Chick-fil-A. I am just dumpy today. Don't we all have those days? please say yes and I am not crazy. I am so happy here and know this is where God put us and where we are supposed to be, but it doesn't mean it is going to be an easy road.

Happy Birthday, Nana!!!

Today is a very special person's birthday! We love you Nana and miss not getting to spend your birthday with you taking you to our usual Birthday celebration spot getting some wedding cake :)

We love you Nana and hope you have an awesome birthday!! Sarah Kate said eat some cake for me ;) She loves you so much and will always hold a special place in her heart for her Nana!

Operational Righteousness

So it seems a lot of discussion lately I have been involved in (at church and in small group) has been around where we find our righteousness. One of the questions we discussed tonight was "What would your closest friends and family list as your personal rules for Acquiring and Accumulating Righteousness?" There are so many rules that we place on ourselves and on our children and others around us that are so not what this life is about, or should be about. This morning's sermon was on Matthew 15:1-20. There are so many times that I find myself exactly where the Pharisees (Did I spell that really wrong...oh well) are in this passage. Following the "traditions of elders", or in today's terms doing it the way our parents did. Not to say our parents did it wrong or those before us had it all wrong. Pastor Mark challenged that maybe it would be good to challenge the existing system. Why do we have certain rules for our kids. Are they backed by Scripture? Looking at the passage in Matthew, the point isn't that washing your hands before eating isn't important, it was looking deeper. Looking into the heart. Is our heart desiring to please God? Am I doing these seamingly good things in order to gain my righteousness or out of my love for the Lord. That is where I struggle so many days. While what I do on the outside might look fine and like honorable things, what is in my heart? Am I trusting the Lord with every aspect of my life? Am I doing these things to everyone around me will say wow look at her, or am I doing it as a flowing out of my love of God.
In Sunday School, we looked at Psalm 13. That is good stuff. God wants us to be real. With him and with each other. Look at David. Did he really believe that God had left him? No, but he was being honest with how he felt like he was alone. He was digging into the heart and trusting God with his feelings. So many times we find ourselves not going deep in relationships and not really sharing each other's burdens as we should. I know I am guilty of it. That is what we are called to do and that is what we find in Scripture over and over again. We have to be real with God if we want more than just a surface relationship. That goes with any relationship really.
I know for me, it is encouraging when I know I am not alone with hardships. When I can open up with others, like I have about our miscarriage and difficulty with infertility and have had other women share with me they have been there too. Does it make my pain easier? Some days yes and some days no. But, something about not being alone is encouraging. Feeling like I have other women who can stand beside me and say, I have walked that path and I know the pain and the emotions really does help.
So I guess that is my rambled thoughts for the night. I do want to thank those of you who have read this blog and shared with me how it might have encouraged you or shared with me that you have dealt with similar pains. If you haven't figured it out yet, my desire it to be real. I can't handle this alone. BUT, the good news is that I don't. I have Christ. That is enough. And I have the body of Christ here to encourage and point me to Christ, which the only way they know how to encourage me and pray for me is to know the truth of my heart. So, this is what you get, the messed up, crazy, emotional, jacked up, struggling to really trust and believe me.

Sarah Kate Post

Sarah Kate has been quite the mess lately. She has plenty of moments of pitching fits when not getting her way, but other moments of being so much fun! So here is a quick list of what she is up to lately:

*On days we are home, this is what we were. Our new ballet outfit. She asks everyday if I have found her a ballet class. See, that was our bribe for potty training (which that is another story of how that is going). We made a deal with her that when she stops having accidents, she can start taking ballet class. Good parenting right? o well. We are still having accidents...so no ballet class yet, but hopefully she will start this fall :)

*Other things that she says: "bums"=vitamins--for some reason she calls vitamins, "bums"--interesting translation right? The last few days she has been calling daddy a "princess" which requires daddy wearing the crown :) Hopefully he won't mind me sharing such a cute pic!

* She is all about being my helper in the kitchen these days. She likes to stir stuff, pour, ect. and even likes cleaning. She gets on her little stool and goes to town cleaning dishes for me :) I might have to go back behind and clean water that has splattered everywhere and rewash what she washed, but at least she wants to help right?

*Yesterday, we met some friends at a mall and played then shopped around a bit. There was a fun carousel that SK really wanted to ride, but since we had Molly with us, it wasn't going to happen. It was really cool though--double decker. So, Sk got all sad of course as we were leaving the mall and not getting to ride. She said, "Momma, the carousel is so sad. It has tears since I didn't ride it..." Goofy kid.

*We signed up SK for some swim lessons to start in a couple of weeks. I needed this more than here. The house we nanny at has a pool (completely fenced and all), but I thought it would be good for her to take a few lessons so when we do go swimming this summer, she will have some skills at least to help me rest easy (a little at least maybe?). She is all excited about the fun pool that we have lessons at and has already told me that "I don't need mommy to help!" Oh my. Start praying now for both of us.

Chocolate Chip Cake

I made this cake last weekend to take to a friend's house for dinner. It was a random recipe I had in my recipe notebook, I don't think I had ever tried, but it turned out quite yummy. Thought I would share since it was so good and is a pretty easy recipe and I tend to have most all of these ingredients in my pantry on any given day :) Enjoy!!

Chocolate Chip Cake

1/2 cup butter
1 cup sugar
2 eggs
1 cup sour cream
1 tsp baking soda
1 1/2 cups flour
1 1/2 tsp baking powder
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips

Preheat oven to 350 degrees
Mix dry ingredients and set aside. Cream butter and sugar. Add in eggs, vanilla, then sour cream. Add flour mixture to wet ingredients.
Pour batter into greased pan (I used a bundt pan, but use whatever you like)
Bake 30 minutes.
Sprinkle powdered sugar on top :)

**And if you are like me, after cutting my slice, I add some more powdered sugar on my slice...

Studies with Michael and more...

Just thought I would share some good stuff I have read/come across lately. It's good stuff.

"If I were a pastor, I would want to preach in the spirit of the New Covenant, inviting everyone in the congregation to see the heart of God revealed in the cross of Christ. I would encourage them to interpret all of life's hardships not as problems to fix or struggles to relieve or pain to deaden, but as important elements in a larger story that all God's children long to tell. I would urge them to accept wherever they are on the journey, whether happy or miserable, as the place where God will meet them, where he loves them, where he will continue to work in them. And I would offer my own life as a growing, struggling, sometimes painfully unattractive example of what doing that might mean. I would beg God to deliver me from Calvary-denying sermons, which leave people feeling scolded and pressured...I would ask God to never let me again preach an Eden-denying message where psychological insights replace biblical wisdom in a misguided effort to repair emotional damage when the real problem is a serpent-inspired determination to experience life without God."
--Shattered Dreams, Larry Crabb (I stole this from our bulletin Sunday)

Here are some more from the readings I did with Michael last week--this devotion is from The Joy of Self-Denial by John Calvin...
If we are not our own, but the Lord's, it is clear to what purpose all our deeds must be directed. We are not our own, therefore neither our reason nor our will should guide us in our thoughts and actions. We are not our own, therefore we should not seek what is only expedient to the flesh. We are not our own, therefore let us forget ourselves and our own interests as far as possible.
We are God's own; to him, therefore, let us live and die. We are God's own; therefore let his wisdom and will dominate all our actions. We are God's own; therefore let every part of our existence be directed towards him as our only legitimate goal.
The most effective poison to lead us to ruin is to boast in ourselves, in our own wisdom and willpower. The only escape to safety is simply to follow the guidance of the Lord.
Scripture draws our attention to the fact that if we want ease and tranquility in our lives, we should resign ourselves and all that we have to the will of God, and at the same time we should surrender our affections to him as our Conqueror.

Philippians 2---
If then there is any encouragement in Christ, any consolation from love, any sharing in the Spirit, any compassion and sympathy, make my joy complete: be of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility regard others as better than yourselves. Let each of you look not to your own interests, but to the interests of others...

How many times do I actually do that? It feels like every day I struggle with having "selfish ambitions" and putting myself before others. The desire of my heart is for every part of my existence to be directed toward Christ, but I fail with almost every breath I take throughout the day. My desire lately is to really strive to take the focus off of myself, even in my prayer life. I have noticed lately how much when I spend time in prayer how much of it is focussed on me and things going on in my own life, and spend little time praying for others. I desire to change that. I want to pray well for others. It is so important. I pray the Lord will continue to show me ways to not look to my own interests, "but to the interests of others."

Made it through the stom.

We had quite the storm come through Sunday night here in St. Louis. Michael was up reading and flipped on the news during a break to check the weather since he had heard some bad stuff might be coming. Then the sirens came. He woke me up at about 11:30 and we rushed to gather some stuff, get SK, and get down to our basement. The news people said that we probably had up to about 100 mph winds come through and man did it sound like that. I came and left quickly, but it sure did leave a mark. Our neighborhood seemed to be the worst hit. Michael could tell after going outside after the storm passed that there was probably much damage around, but our car was fine and nothing to our house that we could tell. The power did go out immediately as the storm came. So we went on the bed and waited till the next day to see what all damage had occured. I got ready for work by candlelight and headed out. The main road beside our house (like 4 houses down) was closed due to about 6 downed poles. I had to find an alternate route to work and saw many trees down on my way out of our neighborhood. Some cars were crushed by trees and roofs damaged. We brought some bags of ice home that afternoon to hope to save our fridge and freezer food. We were supposed to have company for dinner that night, but instead headed over to their house to eat since our power was still out. We do have radiator heat (doesn't work very well at all with the power out), but the house didn't get too cold overnight. We lit some candles and headed to bed that night. After getting ready for work by candlelight again this morning, the power came on just as I was walking out the door for work. I am very thankful that we didn't have damage to our car or anything else. The city really did a great job with cleaning up the mess from the storm and worked around the clock to get lines back up and running.
On a side note, say a prayer for Michael. His school work is starting to pile up. He has a book critique thing due tomorrow and 2 papers due next week along with plenty on class reading to do. He stays up many nights late reading and working on stuff to try to not take away from time with us. He's a good man. I got a good catch to say the least. Pray that he can get it all done though and get some good sleep, we haven't slept well in a few nights due to storm stuff and Sk not sleeping well one night. Thanks friends :)