Been a while. Sorry. I have not been motivated to blog lately. Busy, I guess. Everytime I think about something to blog about, I forget what it was by the time I actually get on the computer. So let me think...an update on things for us.
School is going well for Michael. Starting to get busy with lots of reading and such, but good.
My job is going well.
SK. Oh me. She had a fever virus last weekend and it was no fun at all. We had big plans for the weekend and ended up in seclusion instead. We had signed up for parent's night out (free childcare on campus for parents to get some date time), and didn't get to do that. We were supposed to go to a seminary picnic and instead had a picnic in our living room floor. She is all better now, so that is good. We have been struggling with control though. She has become more and more strong willed lately. I think she is just testing the waters with what she can control in her life. We are learning how to parent this issue. It is hard.
We are still dealing with infertility. I don't want to harp on this, but oh well. If this is the place where I "lay it all out there", this is reality for us. I want to be real and be open with what we are facing for many reasons. I want and need prayers. Desperately. I want others that are going through this to know they aren't alone and that we do have a hope, not a hope in one day gettting pregnant (although that would be nice...), but a hope in Jesus Christ and his return and for heaven where there will be no more suffering or pain. I don't like this. I know there are others that read this blog (that is if anyone actually looks at this blog anymore given the fact that I barely blog anymore....) that are suffering in similar situations. Know that I pray for you. The Lord has allowed this to be a part of my story for His purposes, though I might not agree or completely understand, He does know. He does love me. He does care and feel this pain with me.
Infertility. I never thought I would be here. I never thought this would be the path for our family. I had other plans. It is such a roller coaster that I can't find the escape button for. I wish I could just get off for a break at least, but I can't. Each month there are flips and huge hills and falls. I try to not get my hopes up each month, but somehow I do. I think, maybe I am....maybe this is the month. I think of different ways to tell family and friends our good news. I have come up with a multitude of scenarios of how we would announce....only to find out that we weren't actually pregnant. I have gotten my hopes up almost every single month only to reach the down fall of the roller coaster and not be.
Last month I finally decided I need to get some things checked. In talking with my doctor (who, praise the Lord, is a believer and actually a member of the church we attend here and an incredible man) we came to the conclusion that I am not even ovulating. I don't know why, or if there is even a reason. Pray for us. As we make decisions. As we look for the Lord's guidance through all of this.
I don't know what the Lord is doing, but He does have a plan.
I went to a baby shower this morning. Livng on campus there are lots and lots of babies and pregnancies to celebrate. This shower was for the newest babies that have been born (5 total). I want to be excited for these families. It is hard to not be jealous though. It is hard to just truly be happy for them. Now that isn't to say that I am not happy for them at all, I am. I know these babies are such a blessing. But this is hard for me. I have tried to figure out how to answer the question of "So do y'all want more children?" I want to be real and honest, but I also don't want to be all "woa is me.." about it either.
Adoption is still being explored. I have talked with an agency that I really like. We would love to start that process now except for the complication of our situation being in seminary. Finances are more complicated (and slim...). We will see. We are praying. I wish we could go ahead with it soon, but we will wait for the Lord's timing. Maybe it will be soon, or maybe it will be when we finish here at seminary. I am excited about it either way though.
So there is your update. Sometimes I think all I do is whine. I try not. This is just the real me right now. I know the Lord will use this time (both the time in seminary and the time of infertility) for His glory, at least that is my prayer. And I hope that this is at least somewhat of an encouragement to someone. It might not lift your spirits if you are in this same situation, but I do find it comforting when I know that I am not on this road alone.
I will leave you with this scripture that has been an encouragement to me this week:
"I pray that the God who gives hope will fill you with much joy and peace while you trust in Him. Then your hope will overflow by the power of the Holy Spirit."
I hope to have pictures next time...I know Grandparent's are gonna start spanking me if I don't :)