It is 6:00 a.m. and a story morning here in St. Louis. I should take advantage of getting to sleep in, but my body tends to wake up around 5:00 a.m., since that is my normal time on weekdays. ugh. But, I have been bugged by something for quite some time and need to get it out. here goes.
So 2 years ago this May, Michael and I suffered a miscarriage. Most of you know this. Hardest thing I have ever been through in my entire life. I have never hurt so bad. Well, a week after having found out we lost our baby, I got a phone call. No need to know who, I am not here to speak poorly of anyone, and the person that called, I love very much. So back to the phone call. (And just in case this person might actually read this blog and know who you are--not likely--I do love you, but I am here to say you were wrong). This person called and asked how the pregnancy was going, to which I replied that we had lost the baby. He was sorry that it had happened, but then proceeded to tell me that hopefully I would figure out what the sin was in my life so that I would be able to get pregnant again and don't have to deal with more punishment.
Yep. If you need to reread that sentance, go ahead. Let that sink in for a sec.
So I was told that due to my sin, I was punished. That I would not be given the blessing of more cihldren until I paid the dues for my sin and corrected myself. I knew the gospel, but this really made me question a lot. I highly respected this person and a Godly person, so this was hard to take and just say that it was wrong and throw it aside or call the person out on it. I have grown since then. I can say that I know more now than I knew then. And I knew in my heart then that something was wrong with that statement, but having months of infertility after that it made me question whether maybe this person was right.
Here is what I believe though. I believe in Scripture. And according to Gal. 3:13, "Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us-for it is written." And I believe Romans 8:1 when it says, "There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of livfe has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death." Now God might be using this miscarriage to shape me and disciple me, but not to discipline me. If we say that I have to pay consequences for my sin, doesn't that take away for the work of Christ? Saying that what he did on the cross just wasn't good enough? Looking more at Scripture, I see in John 9:1-3, "As he passed by, he saw a man blind from birth. And his disciples asked him, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?" Jesus answered, "It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him." As hard as I don't want to be in this place and thought I had better plans for my life, I do pray that the works of God might be displayed in me. If things had gone according to my life, I would tend to puff up my chest and say, look at what I have done with my life. That doesn't give God anything. So many times we have to go through the desert to grow and see that we need Christ. Desperately need. I know I do. So while I really didn't appreciate that phone call that day, it did something good for me. It made me look at what I believe. It made me see that Christ was enough and is good. While this whole journey has been incredibly hard, I know God has something good in store, and if we had been blessed with the good right off, we wouldn't have given Him the glory He deserves and therefore been able to testify "Look what God has done!" "To GOD be the glory!"