Newest Davis member :)

I have plenty of blogging to catch up on, but it seems that when I am child-free all I want to do is snuggle up on the couch and snooze.  Snoozing wins over blogging these days.  I already got my morning nap in, so now I get a second to blog.  I wanted to introduce everyone (or at least the few followers that might still check to see if I am blogging....) to our newest addition to the family!

It amazes me what is going on inside of me.  There is a little baby in there.  WITH a HEARTBEAT!!!  It was amazing.  God is so awesome and seeing how life is created awes me.  I measured right on track and the heartrate was 172.

Yesterday was a crazy day for me (along with many other crazy days lately).  I found out we were going and my nerves were just about to go crazy.  We headed to the doctor and sat in the waiting room shaking.  What were we going to see?  No heartbeat?  1 heartbeat?  2 heartbeats???  My legs and arms were shaking as the technician started the ultrasound.  AND, then we saw our baby.  Michael was the first to see the little fluttering heartbeat.  I melted.  Cried and tried not to just sob out of joy. 

This road has been hard.  I know so many others that have been on this road and might still be on this road of not being able to experience what we did yesterday.  I pray for you, know that.  I feel your pain.  I don't know why God has chosen to bless us in this way, we don't really deserve it.  I know that God has a plan for each of His children though, and that plan is good.  I know He loves each of His children and draws close to them and hurts with them. 

Thank you Lord for our blessing.  I pray that whatever amount of time we are given with this child will bring glory and honor to you.  (And I pray that it will be a long time :))  But, I trust you through this (though I have to daily remind myself of that). 

To God be the glory, great things HE has done.

Results...

SO...I got a call this morning from the nurse about my blood work.  My levels were great!  She said they were really high and everything looks good.  I am supposed to set up an ultrasound apt. as soon as I get insurance stuff worked out. 
It was a good phone call to get first thing this morning.  I was shaking and in tears after hearing her tell me all of that.  Did I mention that today is my birthday?
So, it has been a good morning.  A very good morning :)
Now I continue to rest in the Lord day by day...God is good, Praise be to Him.

Resting...

I have to say I had a bit of breakdown last night.  I needed it, really.  I have held in my fears and anxieties for the most part for the last couple weeks.  I have been strong, and last night I was tired of it.  I am scared.  I am analyzing everything I do, I eat, and don't do.  I don't want to.  I want to say I am able to just trust the Lord through this and rest in his Sovereign grace, but not so much.  I try to be thankful for each day and take it a day (or moment) at a time, but it is hard. 
Yesterday, I had brie cheese.  And freaked out after the fact.  Crap!  I realized, according to the "books" you aren't supposed to have soft cheeses while pregnant.  So I get on google and research of course.  I know God is sovereign, but I still struggle to rest in that.  God knows the days for this child.  He knows it all, and I have no control over that.
I also had to go in yesterday to the doctor to get some blood work for proving pregnancy (getting on medicaid...) and it upset me a bit too.  I didn't really want to do the bloodwork thing.  I wanted to just wait till I was at 8 weeks.  Now I worry that I will get a phone call today that my levels aren't looking good.  What if I get that call...What if we have to tell SK that she won't ever get to meet her baby brother or sister.  I think about how we would tell her.  How would she take it?  Why am I even going there in my head.  Why can't I just be excited like I was when we found out we were pregnant with her.  Ugh.

So now I wait to hear from the doctor today.  I wait.  I did read from the Valley of Vision this morning and found a bit of comfort from that.  Allow me to share:

O God Most High, Most Glorious,

The thought of thine infinite serenity cheers me,

For I am toiling and moiling, troubled and distressed,

but thou art for ever at perfect peace.

Thy designs cause thee no fear or care of unfulfilment,

they stand fast as the eternal hills.

Thy power knows no bond,

thy goodness no stint.

Thou bringest order out of confusion,

and my defeats are thy victories:

The Lord God omnipotent reigneth.

I come to thee as a sinner with cares and sorrows,

to leave every concern entirely to thee,

every sin calling for Christ's precious blood;

Revive deep spirituality in my heart;

Let me live near to the great Shepherd,

hear his voice, know its tones, follow its calls.

Keep me from deception by causing me to abide in the truth,

from harm by helping me to walk in the power of the Spirit.

Give me intenser faith in the eternal verities,

burning into me by experience the things I know;

Let me never be ashamed of the truth of the gospel,

that I may bear its reproach,

vidicate it,

see Jesus as its essence,

know in it the power of the Spirit.

Lord, help me, for I am often lukewarm and chill;

unbelief mars my confidence,

sin makes me forget thee.

Let the weeds that grow in my soul be cut at their roots;

Grant me to know that I truly live only when I live to thee,

that all else is trifling.

Thy presence alone can make me holy, devout, strong and happy.

Abide in me, gracious God.

(The Valley of Vision, a Collection of Puritan Prayers and Devotions)



That comforted me this morning as I prayed and rested in the Lord this morning.  I hate my unbelief.  I want to believe.  I really do.  I feel like the only way to get rid of my unbelief is for Jesus to come back.  So with that, I say come Lord Jesus, come.  And until that day, let me find moments that I can rest and trust and believe that the Lord is good and loves me and cares and is in control of this little life. 

Birthday Suprise!

My sweet hubby pulled off a suprise party today along with a friend, whose wife's birthday is today.  They worked hard and I was quite suprised.  It started out by telling Kelsey and I that they wanted to send us to get a manicure (gave us a giftcard to a place they found) and they would take care of the kiddos.  Well, low and behold.  They were working hard while we were away and had a big party planned for us.  When we finally got back (we didn't know we were supposed to be back sooner than we had thought....) we got a big suprise as soon as we walked in the door. 

They planned a whole Fiesta theme and had hats for us birthday girls and mexican food and even made us cakes!

I have a pretty awesome hubby.  Step back, ladies....He's taken :)

I think she looks cuter in the hat, than I did...what do you think :)

On a side note, pregnancy is going well so far.  I am getting more hungry (like had to get up at 6 this morning after sitting wide awake in the bed for an hour hungry...) and a little bit more tired, but its all good.  I kinda want the symptoms to come on so I feel more pregnant and won't worry so much.  Of course I say that now, might take it back when the nausea and stuff actually hits.  We shall see.  I am just ready for the next couple weeks to fly so I can get to the doctor and hear a heartbeat.  It will be awesome to get to that day.  I need it to come quickly.
Other than that I am just trying not to stress to much about everything I do and how it might affect the baby.  Like..."Is my shower too hot for the baby?"  "Is this food ok?"  "Am I lifting too much?"  and many more stuff that is crazy....I am reminding myself almost hourly that God is Sovereign and He is in control of this life, not me. 

Where to start...

Well.  I haven't blogged much lately.  A lot has been going on.  Let's rewind and I will share.  Last week was tough and exciting and scary in many ways (and those emotions are not over yet...)  Last week was the week I would find out if we were pregnant or if I would once again find out I was not.  The day came and went.  Five days later, I finally got the courage to take a pregnancy test.  I was scared.  I can't even count the amount of times I have taken negative pregnancy tests over the last 3 years.  There have been many months where I thought this might be the month, but the test would be negative.  The last test I took in Sept. I vowed that I was done taking negative ones.  So, I waited for 5 days this time.  I finally got up on Sat. morning at 5 am and headed to the bathroom.  I was shaking.  It immediately turned positive.

Let's take a moment and scream in joy, right :)

Ok, continuing.  Poor Michael is not a morning person, esp. given it was a Sat.  I get back in the bed and wake him telling him to go in the bathroom.  He came out and I was crying.  To be honest, it wasn't the kind of joyful type of crying in some ways.  More like scared out of my mind crying.  He hugs me and says, "Not the reaction I was thinking would happen".  I think he had to do a double look at the test to make sure it was positive just from my reaction.  He knew I was scared.  He prayed for me right then.  It was so so encouraging and I felt peace about it then.  I was and am excited, don't get me wrong. 

Here's the thing though.  I have been done the road of loosing a child in my womb before.  I know what it feels like.  I know the pain.  I am scared.  I guess to be clear I am going in waves of excitement and thinking of the future and then other waves of what ifs.  

Right now, I am thankful for today.  I am thankful that the Lord has chosen to bless us with another child.  I am thankful for everyday we get.  God is sovereign and He is in control.  I am not. 
Praise the Lord, from whom all blessings flow.  We can definitely say this is God's doing and we are thankful to him.  I don't understand completely why some people (including us) have a hard time getting pregnant, but He loves us and cares and knows the desires of our hearts.

I am kind of afraid to even push the post button. What if something does happen?  I remember when I miscarried before, I removed all the comments on facebook, not being able to bear the pain.  To God be the glory either way.  I pray that I can trust him and rest in him right now. 

So, there is our weekend. Or at least our Sat. morning.  The rest of that day was spent having SK call family and friends and tell them that "Momma has a baby in her belly!"
I had questions when we told people whether we would wait to announce it till after we go to the doctor.  Well, no, we aren't.  We have had quite the journey to get here and need prayers.  Plus, if you have read my blog before, you can pretty well guess I am pretty open, not so much a closed book.  I have to share.  It helps me get excited to see others excited for us.  I want to share so that people know how to pray for us.
With that said, thank you for your prayers.  I need and appreciate them.

Book List

I have added so many books "I want to read" the last few weeks.  Currently I am reading "Emotionally, Healthy Spirituality" by Peter Scazerro which was a rec from my dear hubby.  I have told him that he can give me one book per semester and I will read it.  He tells me all about so many books he is reading and I definitely can't keep up with all the books that he says are good.  I also have books I have heard about from friends that I really want to read. 
So here is my book list for the coming months...We shall see if I get through them all!
--The Meaning of Marriage by Tim Keller
--One Thousand Gifts by AnnVoskamp
--Real Love for Real Life by Andi Ashworth
--Hope by Nancy Guthrie
and now today I added
--Grace for the Good Girl by Emily Freeman
I read the first chapter of this book online and loved it.  Here is a quote from it:

  I want to let go, rest, and believe, so that he can hold, refresh,
and redeem. But what if I do and he doesn’t? To read between
the lines of faith is to see Jesus. But reading between the lines
takes work and invisible trust and the disregard of feeling.

Can't wait to get on with these books.  It's a good time of year to get to reading.  There's something wonderful about getting under a blanket on the couch with a cup of Chai (Trader Joe's preferably) and a good book.

What books are you reading?  Any more I should add to my list?

And on a quick side note, I must say a word about my hubby.  He rocked it last night speaking at Midweek.  He was awesome and I was very blessed to hear him speak on Praise.  Ok, just had to say that.  He is pretty awesome though :)



Snow Day round 2

We woke up this morning to more snow.  Woohoo.  Not sure if I have told you before, but I am more of the type that like to see the snow from inside my home and not some much the type that like to get out and play in it.  I will, but I would rather stay inside with my hot chocolate.  My daughter on the other hand is like her daddy.  She begs from the second that she sees the snow to go outside and play in it.  She has begged for 2 hours now, so Mommy finally bundled her up and sent her out.  I on the other hand am inside watching from the window :)  She is so cute playing in it.  As I type, she is outside laying in the snow making a snow angel.  Snow is fun, but it is work too.  All the clothes and mess.  But, today I will enjoy watching her and let her have fun.  Even if that means mess.  I need to do that more often.  Just looking at her have fun is awesome and I want to enjoy that.  Anyways.  Hope everyone else is enjoying their day.

Just one more pic, this is Sk the day after we got back from Chicago.  She took a 3 hour nap in her bed, then came to the couch to snuggle and ended up sleeping another hour.  Guess we wore her out, huh?:)