Monday, January 30, 2012

Where to start...

Well.  I haven't blogged much lately.  A lot has been going on.  Let's rewind and I will share.  Last week was tough and exciting and scary in many ways (and those emotions are not over yet...)  Last week was the week I would find out if we were pregnant or if I would once again find out I was not.  The day came and went.  Five days later, I finally got the courage to take a pregnancy test.  I was scared.  I can't even count the amount of times I have taken negative pregnancy tests over the last 3 years.  There have been many months where I thought this might be the month, but the test would be negative.  The last test I took in Sept. I vowed that I was done taking negative ones.  So, I waited for 5 days this time.  I finally got up on Sat. morning at 5 am and headed to the bathroom.  I was shaking.  It immediately turned positive.

Let's take a moment and scream in joy, right :)

Ok, continuing.  Poor Michael is not a morning person, esp. given it was a Sat.  I get back in the bed and wake him telling him to go in the bathroom.  He came out and I was crying.  To be honest, it wasn't the kind of joyful type of crying in some ways.  More like scared out of my mind crying.  He hugs me and says, "Not the reaction I was thinking would happen".  I think he had to do a double look at the test to make sure it was positive just from my reaction.  He knew I was scared.  He prayed for me right then.  It was so so encouraging and I felt peace about it then.  I was and am excited, don't get me wrong. 

Here's the thing though.  I have been done the road of loosing a child in my womb before.  I know what it feels like.  I know the pain.  I am scared.  I guess to be clear I am going in waves of excitement and thinking of the future and then other waves of what ifs.  

Right now, I am thankful for today.  I am thankful that the Lord has chosen to bless us with another child.  I am thankful for everyday we get.  God is sovereign and He is in control.  I am not. 
Praise the Lord, from whom all blessings flow.  We can definitely say this is God's doing and we are thankful to him.  I don't understand completely why some people (including us) have a hard time getting pregnant, but He loves us and cares and knows the desires of our hearts.

I am kind of afraid to even push the post button. What if something does happen?  I remember when I miscarried before, I removed all the comments on facebook, not being able to bear the pain.  To God be the glory either way.  I pray that I can trust him and rest in him right now. 

So, there is our weekend. Or at least our Sat. morning.  The rest of that day was spent having SK call family and friends and tell them that "Momma has a baby in her belly!"
I had questions when we told people whether we would wait to announce it till after we go to the doctor.  Well, no, we aren't.  We have had quite the journey to get here and need prayers.  Plus, if you have read my blog before, you can pretty well guess I am pretty open, not so much a closed book.  I have to share.  It helps me get excited to see others excited for us.  I want to share so that people know how to pray for us.
With that said, thank you for your prayers.  I need and appreciate them.


  1. I've been through that fear... it cripples and paralyzes. I love you and am so excited for you. Praying for you and lifting up that little life!

  2. Sweet Michelle, rejoicing with you to hear this wonderful news!! Will be praying for you and baby.

  3. Oh Michelle! I am so very excited for you and your family. I wish I was there to give you a big hug. And, as you know I have shared your fear. I will be praying for you friend. Much love to you, Michael, and SK.

  4. We are so happy for you all, and we will also be praying for this little life and your family!!