Saturday, March 29, 2014

hi :)

I give up on being a good blogger.  I just can't find the time these days to sit down and blog.  I have ideas run through my head throughout the day of things I could blog about, but when I actually sit, nothing comes to me.  Or taking a nap sounds better than being on the computer.
So what have we been up to lately....

*Evie turned 18 months old yesterday (or 2 days ago, I don't even know today's date...).  She is a fussy pants these last few days and we now know that we can blame it on teething.  The crazy kid has 4 teeth in front (been at 4 teeth now for months and months!), with one more in front coming, then we saw that she has a molar almost in and the one on the other side looks like it is coming too.  Poor baby.  I am not sure what is going on with her teeth...I guess they will just come in how they choose, not in the order that is "typical".

*We are pressing on with the semester.  Busy.  Constantly thinking through getting ready to pack and sell a whole bunch of stuff.  I am having an "estate" sale, if you can call it that.  We will sell most of our things here in STL before moving back to Alabama in May (where we will finish out support raising).  We are moving to a fully furnished house in AL so there is no need for us to bring down things that aren't going with us to England except for things that are going to family and such.  It is crazy to start thinking of selling all of our stuff.  Kinda messes with my emotions a bit.  I get excited that we are getting closer to getting where the Lord has called us.   But it is crazy that we are doing this too.

What else....

Let me get honest for a bit.

I am tired.  I am excited.  I am scared.  I am trusting the Lord.   I am questioning the Lord.  I am wanting to be used by the Lord.  I am wanting to be used by the Lord.

Such a crazy mix of emotions, that might not make sense to anyone reading this blog.  There is just so much going on in our lives right now and so much ahead in the coming months.  Oh, while I am being honest, let's throw on top of all this the fact that infertility sucks.

It sucks to take a pregnancy test and it be negative.  I struggle to trust the Lord with his timing and the way that he is writing my story.  I want to take the pen away from him as he writes my story and erase some things and change it to the way I see it going best.  But that wouldn't be good would it?  I want to trust that this is the best story for me.  That He has a plan far greater than I can understand right now.

After weaning Evie, I hoped we wouldn't face the same struggles as before.  I even thought right after weaning her that I was pregnant that first month.  I wasn't.  It is hard for me not to work up excitement in my mind.  I do know that the Lord has good and perfect plans for our family.  I want to trust him and not be anxious or worried.

Now don't get me wrong.  I am so so so thankful for the 2 little girls that we have been blessed with.  And if we aren't to have any more children, then that is ok.  The Lord will have to change my heart if that is the case.  My heart is for more children and the Lord knows the desire of my heart (and Michael's).

Are we crazy for wanting more children even in the midst of such a transition?

All I can do is pray.  Pray for the Lord to make my heart more like Jesus.  To love each day and use it for his glory.  I want to trust that this story of mine is amazing and beautiful...broken, but so redemptive.

These 2 little girls have been such sweet cuddle buddies lately.   When we leave both girls with a babysitter or at the Log Cabin for Parent's Morning Out, Evie reaches for her sister to hold her.  They will cuddle up and watch a movie together and it is so cute.  SK is begging for them to be able to start sleeping in the same room.  :)
Thank you Lord for these 2 precious girls.

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